cHAOs in Lalaland

Stand

2008-09-17T22:50:00.005+08:00

You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand

Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place
Oh...

by Rascal Flatts

Little Wonders

2008-03-03T23:36:00.010+08:00

Let it go,
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know
The hardest part is over
Let it in,
Let your clarity define you
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain

Let it slide,
Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine
Until you feel it all around you
And I don't mind
If it's me you need to turn to
We'll get by,
It's the heart that really matters in the end

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain

All of my regret
Will wash away some how
But I can not forget
The way I feel right now

In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away but these small hours
These small hours, still remain,
Still remain
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These little wonders still remain

by Rob Thomas

366 Days

2008-02-29T14:48:00.016+08:00

It's February 29... the day that happens only every 4 years!

Below are some quotes that are featured on the official website of our local production, "The Leap Years", which I found pretty meaningful:

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves.
- William Shakespeare

Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.
- Albert Einstein

A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.
- Jean de La Fontaine

In three words, I can sum up everything I've learnt about life: it goes on
- Robert Frost

And for those who are in love with the soundtrack that is featured together with the trailer of the movie.. check out the MV below:

The music was the soundtrack of the original motion picture "Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence" from 1983. It was composed and performed by Ryuichi Sakamoto... (don't think it's by Ricky Ho, who was credited with Original Music in "The Leap Years".. perhaps they were referring to some other soundtrack.)

Latest (as of 07 Mar '08): Amendments were made on the official website of "The Leap Years" with regards to the soundtracks used in the movie. They are:

Feature Original Music by Ricky Ho

Trailer Music Adapted by Robert WS

(Okie... Still no mention of the original composer... and who is Robert WS? Is he given credit for adapting music pieces..? I am honestly clueless. Fill me in if anyone knows how this works.)

Quote

2008-02-25T21:00:00.000+08:00

...'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

from the poem In Memoriam A.H.H. by Alfred Lord Tennyson

Gains and Losses

2008-02-24T17:20:00.003+08:00

Life sucks! And it is a fact that we all have to live with.

It is also a process of gaining and losing. Like how we lose our innocence when we gain experience. And how we lose ourselves when gaining the favour of others.

We all gain something and lose something in the process of living life. Some may lose more than they can afford, while others may have gained more than they deserve. But that is life.

Be thankful when we make a gain. Suck it up and move on when we lose (of course, whine a little along the way). But most importantly, cherish what we already have 'cos we'll never know when we will lose it.

The Imperfect Life of a Perfectionist - 3

2008-01-10T23:58:00.000+08:00

Met my classmates today and it felt strange. I didn't have anything to say to them and I definitely thought they were kinda avoiding me. I really don't understand how I have the power to estrange a friendship simply because of how bitter I feel. I tried to make some small talks and I could see that Chin was trying too.. the rest just seemed like they didn't want to thread on land mine (honestly, do I look like I would chew off someone's head?!). How does it make me feel when my classmates are keeping a distance from me after knowing that I've failed?! It makes me wonder if my failure is contagious or am I too big a loser to come in contact with.

I tried my best to look as 'normal' as I would normally look.. I even put on a subtle smile despite feeling obligated and hypocritical. I have absolutely no confidence in myself and my closest friends are at a lost for words to console me.

Jaz thinks that I'm wallowing in my sorrows. Perhaps I am. Am I not allowed to? I have to go to school, I have to face my classmates, I have to re-do the module that I have failed and I have to live with the fact that I won't graduate with my friends. Can somebody tell me how the hell am I supposed to 'forget it' and 'move on' when I am in constant reminder of my failure?!

I am quite tired of constantly having to suck up the shit around me and move on in life like nothing has ever happened. I have to be the 'strong one' for my Mom to depend on, my relatives tells me that I have to be the 'strong one' cos I'm the eldest of three. Do I also have to be the 'strong one' for me when I screw myself up..? This failure is a big deal to me... before I suck it up and move on, is there anyone I can depend on emotionally?! May I for once be the 'weak one'?!

It is really not fair to vent my frustrations on my classmates 'cos they don't deserve it. I am trying my best to hide my resentment, but I hope people would just stop avoiding me and stop acting awkward around me. It just makes me feel worse.

I'm not expecting my friends to understand why this is such a heavy blow for me. I think what I need from them is some encouragement and support.

The Imperfect Life of a Perfectionist - 2

2008-01-09T23:45:00.000+08:00

Already a week into the new year and nothing seems 'new' to me. Friends are still the same (whether in a good or bad way..), family is still the same (that's good if I'm fine with how dysfunctional it is..), my life is the same (erm... should I be thankful?!).

School's in. And guess what? It started with the module that I have to re-do (nothing new there!). The last time I was in school, I broke down 'cos I felt like a complete failure. Now that I'm back for the new semester, I can't help but feel resentful with myself for repeating something that I detest.

During the holidays, I grabbed every opportunity I could to bask in the company of friends. Whether it was shopping, supper, mahjong sessions, or a disastrous barbeque, it was my only way to forget the pain that was constantly bugging me.

No one has any right to tell me to 'forget it' and 'move on' because it is another half a year of my life that I have to spend to earn that degree. It is my graduation with my friends that I'm gonna miss 'cos I screwed up. I am trying my best to put this resentment behind me and just get on with what I'm supposed to do and get my damn bachelor degree, but the process seems to be a long and painful one.

I'm gonna have to meet my classmates again soon (yep, those who cleared the semester), and I definitely have mixed feelings. I know my failure has got nothing to do with them, but I feel betrayed and abandoned. It's the jealousy and envy, and I know it's not right, but I can't help it. I don't think anyone should expect me to be chirpy and all smiles when I'm in a place and surrounded by people who reminds me of my failure.

Perhaps what I need is to have my closest, closest friends offer me their consolation and talk to me, which has yet to happen. Meanwhile, I'll just have to put on that 'everything's fine' mask that I've been using every now and then for the past six years.

The Imperfect Life of a Perfectionist - 1

2007-12-10T22:37:00.000+08:00

It's been a while... and there is just so much going on in my head that i dunno where to begin...

Let's just start with me failing one of my papers. Yep, my result was released on 28 Nov '07 and that's when my life started to spiral downwards. I was in complete disbelief. I didn't even want to talk about it 'cos I thought it would be a lesser reality if I didn't breathe a word about it. Like as if!?

Supposed to catch "Enchanted" with Nura the same night or was it the following night..? can't quite remember the details.. Anyway, it was a hilarious movie but all I could think about was my failure and its consequences... I just sobbed through the movie. Go ahead and call me a wuss, but this is a big deal to me.

I kept telling myself that it's ok and I just have to try harder the next time... I eventually went to bed with that bullshit, but I woke up the next day and reality hit me even harder. It was less than ok... actually it is not ok. I'm not going to complete my studies on time. I'm not going to graduate with the gang from my diploma course. I'm not going to do my major assignment with my regular and only project mates. I'm not going to step out into the working society as a professional - not for another god damn year!

Seeing my classmates at the enrolment session (this thing where you have to confirm the modules that you are gonna take) was especially antagonizing. I feel like I screwed up big time and I can't fix it, and there's no one to help me. It felt like the whole world was holding up the 'L'-sign against their forehead, telling me how big a loser I am.

I really needed someone to tell me that it's not the end of the world, but strangely, people were shunning me 'cos I was teary-eyed and they were afraid that I would flare up at them (now, why would I do that?). I cannot deny that I was filled with envy and jealousy for my friends who cleared the hurdle. Deep down, I even wished that they would all fail something so that we could graduate together, but of course I don't really want them to suffer with me (maybe I do - that's my devilish side talking). But it really would have helped if they approached me to offer some consoling (what? do you expect me to beg for consolation?!)

"I now pronounce you man and wife"

2007-10-19T22:03:00.000+08:00

George & Adeline

... To have and to hold, from this day forward,

for better, for worse,

for richer, for poorer,

in sickness or in health,

to love and to cherish 'till death do us part...

Just a quick update

2007-10-04T21:22:00.000+08:00

Okie.. I'm getting complaints from fellow bloggers that my blog is WAY outdated, and friends overseas are not updated on my 'well-being'. Well... I'm sorry... I've been really busy and I never knew people were actually interested in what I do (or write).

I've been plagued with lengthy reports and crazy deadlines over the last month... so forgive me if I really wanna just stay away from the keyboard... (I will not be looking at word documents or PDF files for the rest of the year!!) Now that I've cleared all my assignments, I'd have to start revising for my examinations... (my first paper is on the 25th Oct.. that's 2.5 weeks away!!!) It's really just one thing after another... GAWD!!!

Besides being a full-time nerd, I have taken the occasional, well-deserved breaks... Visited Mad Jacks at Jln Kayu (again) with Nura, Ade & George last weekend. It was sorta a treat to reward myself for surviving all that assignment and deadline crap! The fish and chips was great... yummy, filling and cheap! S$6.90++ only! The hawaiian pizza was good... but that tall chocolate cake we had was a 'lil over-hyped.. I thought it was kinda dry... the vanilla ice-cream on the side was its life-saver... And guess what..? George hates cheese! I never knew that until the pizza arrived! He was completely turned off by the cheesey aroma... I thought it was kinda amusing!

We were stuffed at the end of the meal.. but it was way too early to end the evening... and we were all thirsty.. so we decided to go elsewhere for drinks! Couldn't decide where we wanted to go... so we sat in the car for a good 15-mins to just to come up with ideas! (we did exactly the same thing after our picnic the last time! hah!) We are either very fickle, or there are very limited choices for us to hangout! Finally decided to go to Grapevine off Kovan..

It was my first time there.. heard Nia talkin' 'bout the place before, but I think they've shifted to opposite street. 'Grapevine' obviously a great place to chill out and gossip over some wine... but strangely there was no wine on the menu.. but we weren't very interested in alcohol (partly cos Nura was there and it was the Ramadan season...) I did suggest a cold beer though! Hehh... ;p They had a wide selection of coffee and tea and cocktails too! (I skipped the pages on the main courses... cos I could throw at the sight of food then!) Nura had siphoned coffee (too bad the siphoning was done in front of us..) Ade had peppermint tea, which smelled heavenly! George had Hong Kong styled coffee and tea (yuan-yang) And I had this berry with hibiscus tea, which was a tad too sour for the first brew.. The ambience was great! They had nice cosy corners (which we didn't get!), a pool table and soccer matches on a projection screen! (I'm not a big fan of soccer lah.. but it's a nice place to go if theres a match to catch.) I didn't fancy the 'blackness' of the interior... it was too overbearing... luckily they had huge chandeliers!

That's it.. these are the latest about me. If I failed to recount anything else.. it means they are either not worth mentioning or they've slipped my mind (which is of limited capacity.. =D). Do leave me a comment or two 'cos I'll still read them and respond to them. Or just leave a message on my tagboard!

*This post will not be reflected on my Friendster blog.

24

2007-08-19T13:47:00.000+08:00

Yayyee!!! Happy Birthday to ME!!! And HAPPY I am! This is the best birthday I've had in 3 years, especially 'cos it coincides with the Singapore Fireworks Festival '07! So I conveniently imagined that the display was in honour of ME! =D

The festival was held on 17 & 18 Aug with Spain and China putting up their firework display respectively. The pyrotechnics were spectacular, but Spain's was definitely superior to China's. I'm not being stereotypical 'cos I really thought China's finale lacked the 'wow-factor' and not to mention that it ended rather abruptly. Whatever it is, fireworks would always be a thrill to watch for me!

A big "Thank You" to Don, Lynn, Chin & Jeremy for the beautiful tie, I love it very much and I was very surprised by the gesture. My birthday was most enjoyable this year not only because I celebrated it with a bang, literally, since it coincided with the fireworks festival, but also 'cos I was in the company of my beloved friends. I don't know which other friends (actually I do, but they are not in S'pore..) would sit in the drizzle with me from 4.30pm just to get the best seats for the fireworks that would only start at 9.30pm - Nura and Ade, I love you to bits for that! We also caught up with Dayah - a friend we've not seen for so looong! (Ade spotted her from afar and we decided to invite her to share the best seats in the house!)

We headed to Chomps for a feast after that, and I finally satisfied my cravings for the barbecued wings, but not before I cursed the guy to choke on his 'attap chee' for hogging the tables together with his bloody inconsiderate friends! Bunch of fools! Back to my feast... barbecued wings, grilled stingray, sambal clams, fried carrot cake, hokkien mee and assorted tow huay (jellied soya beancurd)! Fantastic meal that cost less than $15 per person (There were 4 of us: Nura, Me, Ade & George)! And it was the first time I had late-night supper with Nura! I think she only 'broke the rule' cos it was my birthday and we were also celebrating her promotion! - Thank you... Come to think of it, weren't we suppose to toast each other..? I really hope we can do this more often cos it's bloody fun!!! (Consequences: more gym)

My incredible evening ended with a really special birthday cake - a dozen donuts from Donut Factory with candles stuck in them! My only regret was not having Tina and Fidz with me...

Click to see pictures: 17 Aug 2007 & 18 Aug 2007

PS: Thank you Junming and Shiping for the MP3 player. It was most unexpected. Love you bros!

To KL and back!

2007-07-27T01:43:00.000+08:00

Following my mom's vacation (the first she took in 5 years after my dad's accident!), I decided that I ,too, should just get out of the country and get my passport stamped after all these years.

We (Nia, Mia & I) had planned to go to Bangkok initially, but stuff came up and we changed the location to Kuala Lumpur. Things didn't go very smoothly during the planning phase, but I'll pass recounting the incidents.

I've been on vacations before, but this is officially my first time going overseas with friends. I've been looking forward to the trip and my excitement peaked when we finally bought the tickets!

It was to be a 3D2N shopping extravaganza in KL!

13 July! The day finally came and I'm absolutely hyped about the trip: 3 friends going on a 6-hr road trip = endless chatter and flashing cameras! However, things didn't turn out the way I expected (strangely, nothing ever turns out to be the way I expect in life, so what the heck!).
Anyway, the trip kicked off on a rather hostile note when we barely made it for our coach. Apparently, I was the cause of the whole unhappiness 'cos I wasn't prepared for Nia to pick me up. And when I was, we were further delayed 'cos she was unable to get a cab and the morning rush hour didn't help. In the end, we're unable to pick up Mia and she had to get her own cab. I did sense some hostility from Nia when we shared the cab, but there were still some patronizing conversation from her. On the other hand, Mia's hostility was.... let's just say... omnipotent.
So I spent most of the journey to KL listening to my MP3, gazing at the endless palm plantation and sleeping. [I admit I wasn't guilt-free, but I was pretty pissed that my friends were giving me the cold treatment on my vacation!] But the atmosphere eventually warmed up after our stop-over at Yong Peng...

After checking into our hotel (our room was pretty spacious!), we headed straight to Berjaya Time Square, which was a 10-min walk from our hotel. The gurls definitely seized every shopping opportunity they had; I was the bodyguard cum bag-carrier for most of the time. That was until we entered Body Glove (a surf shop) and it was having a store-wide 50% sale!!! I bought 4 t-shirts and a back-pack from just that store!!! [Of course, my purchases were nothing compared to what the gurls bought...]

The same evening, we visited Chee Cheong Kai (Chinatown) and it reminded me very much of Bugis Street. The place was kinda disappointing, 'cos most of the stalls sold similar stuff - fake designer bags, watches and shades. The only rewarding thing we got from visiting the place was locating the famous stall that sold 'luo han guo' drink, and buying a bunch of local products from a shop that features a 'boxing chicken' on its signboard - we literally emptied their rack of 'chicken biscuit'! Subsequently, we headed back to our hotel, but not before dropped by Jln Alor (street full of eateries) to order a sambal stingray takeout and some KFC set.

Day 2: Got up pretty early to get breakfast then head out to KLCC. It was the 1st day of the lunar month, so I was supposed to be on a vegetarian diet and I couldn't really enjoy myself at the hotel's breakfast buffet. Fortunately, they had a variety of non-meat stuff like cereal, waffles (they were the best I ever had!) and danish pastries, so it wasn't too bad.

After filling our tummies, we hopped onto a cab and requested that the driver switch on his meter - he did it reluctantly and was whining about it. We later realised that it was because the journey was a very short one and it would only cost about RM$4+. Anyway, our encounter with him didn't end there.. after alighting the cab, Mia sorta slammed the door a little (actually, it was pretty hard..) and the cabby actually got off the car and approached us! He was seriously intimidating, and went: " Why you slam my door?! I respect you, you tak respect me lah you!" I think we were kinda clueless at that moment, 'cos we just stood there and stared blankly at him. When he left, Nia freaked and thought he might get his 'ah-bangs' to come after us, so we hurried into the mall! It's hilarious thinking about it now, but we were pretty intimidated then!

We really wanted to go onto the skybridge between the Petronas towers, but the tickets were all given out by the time we got there (It was only 9.30am!). So we spent most of the day wondering about the huge mall, which houses a number of designer boutiques (it was like Paragon..), and decided to go back later that evening to snap some pictures when the towers are lit. We also went for a foot reflexology session @ RM$25 for 30-mins... Mia was 'diagnosed' with a variety of problems, ranging from gastric to teeth! Hah! =P

Day 3: It's our last day in KL and we had slightly more than 4-hrs before our departure, so we decided to explore Jln Bukit Bintang (the vicinity where our hotel was located..). Went to BB Plaza and Lot 10, but since we've already done most of our shopping in the past 2 days, we were pretty much just browsing around.

That pretty much rounded up our KL trip. Intensive shopping in a foreign capital was really fun in the company of good friends. It was most memorable and I'm looking forward to the next one!

Click to view pictures from KL

Over so soon...

2007-07-07T13:30:00.000+08:00

Time is passing fairly quickly for 2007... It's already July, and a new school semester has started for me. It's so depressing that the holidays are already over when I've just started to have fun.

My holidays kinda got off on the wrong foot when my little brother was admitted into the hospital on 12 May (Mothers' Day). He was diagnosed with a growth in his large intestine that needed to be removed immediately. It was really devastating and I took it pretty hard by blaming myself for the whole incident. (I'll pass recounting the details.., but it made me realise how much I cared about his well-being.) Anyway, he is much better now and he is back in school.

Times like that (which I've had enough of!) never fails to highlight the friends and relatives who cares. I am thankful for having these people in my life; I know who they are and I am grateful towards them. Life is made easier and happier with these people in my life... Enough 'emo' bits, I'll move on to the more enjoyable parts of my holiday:

Fidz was back during the time when my brother was warded, so we spent a little bit of time together shopping for her gift as well as Tina's. Shopping was more of a secondary task.. the point was really to just spend time with her (also to help cheer me up) like we used to before she had her wings. Well, she rarely comes back and when she does, she'll prolly look up her 'fiance' first. I try to be really understanding when it comes to friends and their partners..... erm, actually no, not really! Hah! =P
The barbeque dinner that we (Kerry, Naim, Don, Indri, Chin & I) had, was more enjoyable than I expected (given the depressing situation that I was going through..). From the grocery shopping to the marinating to the grilling... it was nothing but friends getting together, eating and chilling out. De-boning chicken thighs was pretty memorable for me, less all that blood (not mine!), and I was fairly proud of my 'Grilled Stingray in Banana Leaf' - the chilli was kinda weird though! :P It was the perfect way to celebrate the end of the exams!
I might have underrated cycling as a past-time... It was the most tranquilising thing to just whizz down the tracks, enjoying the sea breeze, the lush greenery, the sunshine, and the company of good friends (Nura, Ade & George) - not to mention that it is a cheap and healthy form of entertainment! Of course that is excluding the picnic that we voraciously downed after that... =) The stable at Pasir Ris Park was also worth the stop-over 'cos not only were we able to come into close contact with the horses (without entering the premises), the stallions were a real eye-opener! Well, I've heard of their reputation for being well-endowed, but seriously, they looked monstrous even when limp!!! Ok, back to the PG - the dwarf ponies were really cute!

I did loadsa other stuff during my break, like chilling out with Chin at Siloso Beach (got streaky tan from that!), and going blading/cycling with Xinni at East Coast Park (she was falling all over the place, hah!), but I shan't go into details 'cos that'll make this entry way too looong. The point is, I had fun with my friends and I don't think I'll ever have enough of them! =D

07.07.07 Live Earth: ...---... : "Answer the call!"

21

2004-08-19T03:00:00.000+08:00

Happy 21st Birthday!!! I wonder why this is the most celebrated age in our entire lifetime..?

Firstly, 21 is the age when you're officially on your own (I bet the parents who spent half their lives toiling for their children are celebrating this day more than anyone else...!); and to be on your own two feet would mean that you're fully responsible for yourself and your actions, not forgetting that you have to find the means to feed and clothe yourselves from then on!!! But I guess we can always occasionally (oxymoron) retreat back into the comfort zone of our parents' love (they'd better let us..!).

Secondly, isn't it kind of sad that by being 21 would mean that you are no longer a teenager? At the age of 20, I guess we still can be pardoned to claim the title of 'Teenager' (the really old form) because we are neither here nor there. But at 21, there is no way you can call yourself a teenager; because to qualify as a 'Teen' you've got to be between thir-TEEN to nine-TEEN. At 21, we're just old (no offence to those in their 30s, 40s or... maybe I shouldn't go on...) and 'mature' just isn't the right term to describe most 20s.

On a personal note, half of us have probably not gone through enough to be termed mature. You can't call someone who's been living under their parents' wings for the past two decades, or someone who has just stepped out of that phase 'mature', can you? Prime - much less to say, unless you've already carved a niche in your career and reached financial stability at such a tender age, we are not even a mile close to being in our 'prime'. As for myself, I'm just jaded.

By the way, what is the true significance of the 'key' that's usually given to the 21 year olds by their parents? If it is the 'key to freedom', which I've much heard of; it definitely does not match its lock. With all due respect to all parents, but do the sons and daughters really achieve 'freedom' upon reaching 21? Let's admit it, our parents would always have a hand in our lives in one way or another, while some of us would bear a grudge for it, most of us would have been thankful.

Well, I guess the 21st birthday is a milestone worth commemorating for. It is after all THE age to view ANY movie in the cinema, to go clubbing without having to worry that you'll be denied access (the cut-off for some clubs are at 23 though...) and most importantly, it is unique like any other birthdays - we will never be 21 again!